What do you make of Jesus’s statement in Luke 14 : 26 that his followers must hate “father and mother” and close family relations, “even life itself” to follow him? How do you reconcile this with the fourth commandment to “honor your father and your mother?” or with the very command of Jesus to “Love one another; even as I have loved you” (John 13:34).

St. Luke’s manner of speaking is to be interpreted as pointing out the paradox of discipleship that puts the following of Christ above ties of blood. He is talking here about a higher form of love than filial love. He is not denigrating family love. Rather he wants us to understand that if we love God first the way Jesus loves us, we will love our families even more.

The paradox of putting the love of Christ above ties of blood was reported in the media some time ago when a young girl tearfully turned her parents over to the police so that they could be cured of their drug addiction. That took enormous courage. She did this because she loved her parents too much to stand by and watch them destroy their lives. Similarly, we are bound to love our parents and family members and everyone else, but this love should never become an obstacle to the following of Christ. The life of a disciple, therefore, is no bed of roses. It is actually an incredible challenge.

From the time that Jesus spoke these words in Luke 14:26, they have been considered among the ‘Hard Sayings’ of Jesus: those considered difficult to understand. Some Christians prefer to ignore these words because they don’t know what to do about them, or they feel threatened by them. But, Jesus leaves us in no doubt about what he is saying: true discipleship is the ultimate challenge, and it demands putting the love of Christ above family ties.

An important rule of biblical interpretation is that scripture interprets scripture. In other words, whenever you come across a difficult passage look to another passage on the same subject that will explain it. The bible cannot contradict itself because it is a unified whole with the Holy Spirit as the author.

Fortunately, there is another passage in which Jesus speaks on the same subject, and which clarifies Luke’s use of the word “hate.” It is in Matthew, chapter 10:37 where the word love replaces the word hate: “Whoever loves his father or mother more than me is not fit to be my disciple.” We are to love our parents, ourselves, and life itself, but we should never love others more than the Lord. To love them more than the Lord would be to elevate the creature above the Creator.

Jesus is pointing out the cost of discipleship in both Luke 14:26; and in Matthew 10:37. We will be put in situations where your own blood relations will try to drag you away from the Lord. It has happened to great saints like St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Francis of Assisi and it can happen to you.. This is why Jesus says, “Do you think I have come to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, I have come to bring division. From now on, in one house, there will be five divided, three against two and two against three.” (Luke 12:51–52).

The last thing anyone wants is dissension or confrontation among family members. We desire to live in peace, but peace comes at a price, the price of sacrificing selfish desires in order to let Christ’s love fulfill our lives. Surely there is no better way to ensure good family relationships than by following the example of Christ.

Put the love of Christ first in your life and everything else will fall into place.

—Fr. Hugh Duffy